I wrote this in literally one of my worst moments mentally; what I later realized was an anxiety attack. It was pure chaos, hence fire…I subconsciously picked up my journal and pencil and started writing, and well here it is…
These thought I have
Inside my mind:
Once a ruled and letter free harmless sheet
Scraps of crumpled papers
Hastily, pen to paper
Scribbles are now engraved
Of all that is not right: faults and possibilities of the past
Then aggressively crumpled…. tossed
Into a small ever present ash glow
A flame bursts forth…Fuel to the fire
Then without hesitation…almost calculated, expected
Another ruled letter free harmless sheet follows suit
Becoming like the other:
Owning notes of could and should have beens
Again…fuel to fire
Followed by another, the next and the other
Then …Poof! An explosion
It’s only natural as one supplies…. fuel to fire
Then the real panic, anxiety
After all, it’s hot, uncomfortable
So getting rid of the entire garbage can of burning paper seems like a logical way out
Removing the need to be constantly extinguishing
As there would be no can…lifeless
No paper or put pen to
No thoughts to flow through as ink.
Each time I’ve chosen less drastic measures
Small natural streams…tears
To control an oversized fuelled fire
Soon it diminishes to ash…glowing, till next time
When again, thoughts, through pen to paper…fire
So I guess the question is:
Eliminate the ash or discard the can with its contents altogether?
Something’s gotta to give.
Then suddenly another thought…a question
Why not draw beautiful rainbows butterflies and sparkles
To leave uncrumpled?
That, I do not know…
As once the flame starts, heat melts all the beauty once floating
And heartlessly gravity embraces them all
But maybe one day, the rainbows, sparkles, butterflies and unicorns will become resistant to heat,
And prevent blazes!
Until then, I’ll just deal with each fire as it comes
I’ll continue to cry out
Sometimes all I need is to hear a listener
And someone showing that they care
It gets me to safety
And the fire is reduced to ash
Until next time.