This Secret Sin: Touchy Subject

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Tiptoeing around eggshells

I had always wanted to speak of it:

This secret sin, a touchy subject

But how do I explain this daily fight?

How do I expound without feeling exposed?

Exposed to all the questions of why? and how?

How do I look you in the eyes later without thinking of shame?

I had been doing this for as long as I can remember

It had made me forget the pain, the hurt and the noise

The noise that was my family

The noise that was my home

The shouters, curmudgeons and misanthropes

And the loudest of all: disdain…the silence

Never noticed, barely rarely acknowledged

Ignored

Until I did well… getting medals

All would be elated

I’d be happy too…but only for a few seconds, since soon, no one would be concerned

So off I’d go to my mysterious little world

Where people I didnt know introduced me to a whole new way to cope

And it never failed

Yet only for a few second too it lasted

But for these few seconds only one thing mattered

I’d feel something to ease the numbness

The rush

Zen.

I’d later learn to justify my actions with talks of exploration

‘Getting to know me’

Now it’s just a sore addiction, that had almost ruined me

Little did I know

I was peering open portals of entry for the known and unknowns

To reside in this temple

To become a part of me,

and to think for me

I realised, only when God opened my eyes

That 1 was only to help 2, but in the same way crack gives a high then an immediate low

So it was for the addiction and the depression : 1 and 2

They were coexisting…symbiotically

Yet, inexplicably unknown to me

BUT

I am relentlessly progressing

The journey to freedom has already commenced

As God in His AWEsomeness has demanded that I be bold when I need grace

A God of mercy and patience in His faithfulness will soon allow all to fall into place.

He promised that there is always a way out, already provided!

He simply asks that I like Abraham, I trust Him and look for it

and most importantly mediate on His word to be guided through it.

C2B

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. gilian says:

    We had a lesson last Friday about being free in Christ.
    We don’t use our freedom as an opportunity to satisfy the desires of the flesh, but use our freedom to serve one another in love. Use freedom to do good. To make the most out of this body so it can give glory to God. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nia says:

    I enjoyed reading about your journey. I also like how you formatted the piece

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot for the feedback! Definitely appreciate it!

      Like

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