This Secret Sin: Touchy Subject

Tiptoeing around eggshells

I had always wanted to speak of it:

This secret sin, a touchy subject

But how do I explain this daily fight?

How do I expound without feeling exposed?

Exposed to all the questions of why? and how?

How do I look you in the eyes later without thinking of shame?

I had been doing this for as long as I can remember

It had made me forget the pain, the hurt and the noise

The noise that was my family

The noise that was my home

The shouters, curmudgeons and misanthropes

And the loudest of all: disdain…the silence

Never noticed, barely rarely acknowledged

Ignored

Until I did well… getting medals

All would be elated

I’d be happy too…but only for a few seconds, since soon, no one would be concerned

So off I’d go to my mysterious little world

Where people I didn’t know introduced me to a whole new way to cope

And it never failed

Yet only for a few second too it lasted

But for these few seconds only one thing mattered

I’d feel something to ease the numbness

The rush

Zen.

I’d later learn to justify my actions with talks of exploration

‘Getting to know me’

Now it’s just a sore addiction, that had almost ruined me

Little did I know

I was peering open portals of entry for the known and unknowns

To reside in this temple

To become a part of me,

and to think for me

I realised, only when God opened my eyes

That 1 was only to help 2, but in the same way crack gives a high then an immediate low

So it was for the addiction and the depression : 1 and 2

They were coexisting…symbiotically

Yet, inexplicably unknown to me

BUT

I am relentlessly progressing

The journey to freedom has already commenced

As God in His AWEsomeness has demanded that I be bold when I need grace

A God of mercy and patience in His faithfulness will soon allow all to fall into place.

He promised that there is always a way out, already provided!

He simply asks that I like Abraham, I trust Him and look for it

and most importantly mediate on His word to be guided through it.

C2B

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24 Comments Add yours

  1. You are an overcomer. And you will get through this. Bringing darkness to light is the antedote. You’re ministering and encouraging.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading! I am elated that it has ministered to you! That’s my reason for sharing!

      Like

  2. 1blogify2 says:

    Fantastic way to approach this topic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading! Happy you appreciate it!

      Like

  3. You’ve done something remarkable just by opening up, writing this poem, and sharing it with the world. Continue to be a light, walking with God in your journey.
    https://Fromcrowntosole.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I certainly will!

      Like

  4. Cynthia says:

    Thank you for sharing your much needed story and voice, and for shining a light on this common, yet hidden struggle. You are courageous and brave. Blessings to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading! I’m hopeful that it will help others to start a conversation and hopefully help to reduce the struggles

      Like

  5. lacyngo says:

    Beautiful words. Thank you for your honesty

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is so powerful! I will be sharing on social media. Good for you for bringing darkness to light. Then shame no longer has a foothold. So beautiful! Blessings from Espressos of Faith!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I totally love it!
    wish you good in your walk with god!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thank you! And thank you so much for reading!

      Like

      1. you are welcome! btw you can check my posts as well https://mademoiselleadielle.wordpress.com/

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Tammy Dunlap says:

    Thank you for sharing your honest, heart baring poem. Bless you in your journey.
    https://grandmamarymartha.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the blessings. Thank you for reading!

      Like

  9. Lureta says:

    Such vulnerability!! So courageous. And still so beautifully written. Keep journeying on trusting God, resting in his love. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading!! I appreciate the feedback…I don’t think I’m very courageous…it’s still a bit surreal that I’m being so open about my life…it’s just so liberating to be honest about my stuggles…i just hope to help others who struggle as much as I did

      Like

      1. Lureta says:

        That is exactly what courage is sweet girl! You are so sweet and special. Keep sharing your story.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. kingaplata says:

    it is beautiful. thank you for sharing and don’t forget. Many people feel the same

    Liked by 2 people

  11. kingaplata says:

    it is beautiful. thank you for sharing and don’t forget. Many people feel the same

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Thanks for reading!

      Like

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