Tiptoeing around eggshells
I had always wanted to speak of it:
This secret sin, a touchy subject
But how do I explain this daily fight?
How do I expound without feeling exposed?
Exposed to all the questions of why? and how?
How do I look you in the eyes later without thinking of shame?
I had been doing this for as long as I can remember
It had made me forget the pain, the hurt and the noise
The noise that was my family
The noise that was my home
The shouters, curmudgeons and misanthropes
And the loudest of all: disdain…the silence
Never noticed, barely rarely acknowledged
Until I did well… getting medals
All would be elated
I’d be happy too…but only for a few seconds, since soon, no one would be concerned
So off I’d go to my mysterious little world
Where people I didn’t know introduced me to a whole new way to cope
And it never failed
Yet only for a few second too it lasted
But for these few seconds only one thing mattered
I’d feel something to ease the numbness
I’d later learn to justify my actions with talks of exploration
‘Getting to know me’
Now it’s just a sore addiction, that had almost ruined me
Little did I know
I was peering open portals of entry for the known and unknowns
To reside in this temple
To become a part of me,
and to think for me
I realised, only when God opened my eyes
That 1 was only to help 2, but in the same way crack gives a high then an immediate low
So it was for the addiction and the depression : 1 and 2
They were coexisting…symbiotically
Yet, inexplicably unknown to me
I am relentlessly progressing
The journey to freedom has already commenced
As God in His AWEsomeness has demanded that I be bold when I need grace
A God of mercy and patience in His faithfulness will soon allow all to fall into place.
He promised that there is always a way out, already provided!
He simply asks that I like Abraham, I trust Him and look for it
and most importantly mediate on His word to be guided through it.