Am I Beautiful?
**Pauses for complete awkwardness, that will certainly follow when you read this question**
** (Please feel free to leave those responses in all their unfiltered glory in the comment section.)**
Here’s what I think: you’ve bombarded your mind with a series of questions:
“What is the warmest politically correct response?”
“Is she struggling with self-esteem issues?”
“Do I jokingly say no and secretly mean yes?”
Alongside other psychological bantering and mumbo jumbo, but I have never been a fan of tacky clichés: Ughhhh!
Yet, sadly, in response, I’d drive off on a tangent:
“Am I really?”
“Do you genuinely think that I am?”
“Are you japingly just saying that I am?”
It is a challenge to try to decipher one’s sincerity, when they attempt to deflate your insecurities. It is equally onerous as an apology or calling ‘jokes’ in hopes of deception. Yet, it’s no simple deduction to see yourself the way others do, as you are more familiar with your flaws than anyone else.
Growing up, it was constantly reiterated that I was the black sheep of the family, literally! Simply, I had a darker complexion than all my siblings and both parents. Every now and then an object would be placed between me and the viewer, just so I wouldn’t be mandatorily beheld. Seems a bit harsh doesn’t it?but yeah, it sure was. Then came puberty, it certainly fought against my physical being. It could certainly get worse….because it did, I got a lil’ chubby with a lil’ excess meat on my bones and hence also teased for being ‘fat’.
Then, brace yourselves, there’s more, because worse of all, I was never taught to be confident. So I hid behind my academic and arts achievements, a mask that didn’t always save me, so I’d often cry myself to sleep, there were clearly little options. Just a child, yet, I wished so hard to stay asleep. Kids have no business soliciting thoughts of suicide. I just wish the 6-16 year old me had the mature me or just someone, to show her that being beautiful and confident was beyond her skin and physique.
I wish she really understood that God created her in His likeness; she is His child, His masterpiece and had made no mistakes. I wish she looked forward to the joys of each beautiful dawn when her eyes opened to each new day.
I now know that I am beautiful, because I believe the words of my Father. Though for now, it hurts a little if you don’t also agree, but I’m almost past that stage. Soon, I’ll get to the point where I’m no longer phased by your opinions and what will concern me, is that you may need a hand in fighting your unseen battles too. My primary aim is now to exude confidence like the piercing rays of the sun through the clouds, so that I may never again doubt the beauty that I am.
My ultimate hope, that other little girls like the young me, will always have someone to assure them of God’s word, their beauty, the importance of being confident and to never be defined by the way others see them. Kids never asked to be a part of our world and have no control of their environment. The least we can do is help them to see themselves the way God sees them.
The way we identify ourselves will determine how we approach life.
So Yes! I am beautiful!